Four Months ♥

Today is such a great day :) It marks the fourth month that Briant and I have been together. It doesn't seem like that long, but I feel like I have known him forever. He is my best friend. I would be truly lost with out his love and friendship. I thank my Heavenly Father all the time for sending such a wonderful man into my life. Today my heart is so full with love. I love Briant more than I can truly say. He is everything I need and everything I want. When I first started talking to him I would have never guessed that it would turn into what it is now. We have been through a lot together in these few months and are growing closer every day. I can't wait to see what the next four has in store for us :) I love you Briant ♥

Here is some pictures from the Manti Pageant last weekend :)

Where to begin...?

Crazy, emotional, scary, upsetting, exciting, sad, happy, lonely....the list could go on and on. 

To say the least I have been an emotional roller coaster lately. Its horrible, really. 

The whole situation with my purse turned out to be a nightmare. I was and still am living somewhat of an absolute nightmare because of all of this stuff. For example: I hardly ever feel safe, my house is my least favorite place to be, and I'm just down right paranoid ALL the time. I have a horrible problem of looking at people and thinking "did you steal my purse...was it you?!" I know that is bad, but I hear its pretty normal. Anyways, I have my good days and bad days. Or i guess better put good minutes and bad minutes. I never would have thought that this would have controlled me so much. I hate it, but I just don't quite know how to fix it. So...sleeping with the TV on to make it light in my room will have to do for now. Not kidding either ;)

I  have what feels like no friends. None. :/ I feel so unimportant its ridiculous. I have always considered myself a friendly person, and easy to get along with but lately I'm wondering if there is something wrong with me. Everyone seems to have more going on in their lives than wanting to spend time with me. (I know this part is me whining and  complaining, but i feel like there isn't more i can do.) Lately I feel like I'm in some sort of depression. I can't be happy around people or by myself. When people try to make plans with me I honestly can't see why they would want to be around me. I don't know what to do. :/

One think I do know for sure is that Briant is my glue right now. He is there through every complaint, paranoid moment and exciting experiences. I can't believe that the Lord has blessed me with someone so great. A lot of the times I don't understand what i did to deserve him, but I just have to decided to Thank Heavenly Father for him every day. If there is one person in this world that can make me forget the troubles in my life right now its him. He always knows what to say. He tells me its okay to cry and to feel pain. Something that I have always had a hard time with is crying and being weak in front of someone. Briant has helped me realize that this is okay. I love him :)

I try and thank Heavenly Father for the blessings in my life. I thank him for this trial, although I wonder if i will ever truly know the meaning or reason behind all of this. Something i do know is that God works in mysterious ways. He knows what he is doing and I completely trust him :)

"When it feels like life is to hard and the person I want to be feels just out of my reach. He whispers to me that I do not need to do it alone. He never wanted me to face anything on my own. Because in the strength of the Lord I can do all things He knows how to change the weakness in me. So I will let His love lift me up. He believes I can do hard things if I will trust him and walk forward in the strength of the Lord.

He promised me there would never be anything I can't overcome. His power is more than enough. I know that if He is standing with me I can conquer everything. He offered his life so He can be by my side everyday."

Friends..or lack there of.

This is totally going to be a post where I just complain...fyi. I'm not even really convinced that anyone really even reads my posts. They're probably boring and make no sense...oh well..here it goes.

I hate the post graduation life for one reason. All my friends and I are going separate ways, like missions, college or getting married. Its so sad really, in high school I had a set group of friends. I felt like I always had someone to talk to and hang out with. I didn't realize how well I really had it...until it all left.

Yes, I have Briant. Don't get me wrong he is amazing and such a sweetheart for always listening to every single little thing I have to say, but I need my friends back too. I have no idea why it has to be like this :( It seems like I'll be really close to someone for a while then life gets in the way. Growing up is so complicated.

I know that I have friends, but that is not what I'm saying, I feel like i don't have anyone close to me anymore. Everyone is so busy starting their lives. I kinda hate it. I know that I am to blame too. I wish I would have done things differently :/

Not a happy Sunday.

Can I just say that I do not see how some people have the nerve to steal from other people. Interested in hearing more? Well here is how I spent my Sunday night.

The weather was so warm and beautiful. Briant and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to take a walk around Daybreak Lake. (one of my favorite summer hang out spots...or at least until now it was) We got there a little before 9pm parked the car, and walked around for about in hour. As we approached his car we see glass next to the driver's side window. Instantly I burst out in tears. I knew what had hap pend. Someone had broken into his car and stole my purse. I knew it. I didn't even have to look inside. It was all I could do to stay standing. I started crying and feeling completely overwhelmed by the situation. Who would do that to a complete innocent stranger? Everything I needed was in my purse. My wallet with my debit card, pictures, pay stubs and numerous other things that I needed. Also my camera and Itouch. Two things that hold a lot of value to me. I love taking pictures of everything. Actually, it was very weird to me that I didn't take my camera with my to take pictures of our walk...I wish I would have now. My Itouch meant so much to me, my sister helped me get it because I wanted it so badly. :( Just writing this makes me cry. Not because of the stuff that was stolen, but the memories, ALL my pictures are gone...forever. There is nothing I can do to have those back.

I cancelled all my debit cards and changed my account numbers today. I have to go into the dmv and get a new license, this is something I would never wish on anyone. I'm scared all the time that my house is unsafe, that my family and loved ones are in danger. I know that seems silly because it's just a purse, but really everything that tells about me is in there.

I know that it was stupid of my to leave my purse in the car. I definitely felt like I should carry it with me, but i thought I was being ridiculous because I always leave it in the car tucked under the seat. This has shown me to listen to the Spirit more. I know that if i would have we would be safe and I would not have these feelings.

Bri and I went and got a new window put on his car today. $200.00 later and he now has a brand new window :/ jeez i feel so awful.

Playing the "what if" game is the worst part about this. What if I would have taken my purse? What if they come to my house? What if they would have hurt Briant or myself? So many things that will probably haunt me for a long time :(