Where to begin...?

Crazy, emotional, scary, upsetting, exciting, sad, happy, lonely....the list could go on and on. 

To say the least I have been an emotional roller coaster lately. Its horrible, really. 

The whole situation with my purse turned out to be a nightmare. I was and still am living somewhat of an absolute nightmare because of all of this stuff. For example: I hardly ever feel safe, my house is my least favorite place to be, and I'm just down right paranoid ALL the time. I have a horrible problem of looking at people and thinking "did you steal my purse...was it you?!" I know that is bad, but I hear its pretty normal. Anyways, I have my good days and bad days. Or i guess better put good minutes and bad minutes. I never would have thought that this would have controlled me so much. I hate it, but I just don't quite know how to fix it. So...sleeping with the TV on to make it light in my room will have to do for now. Not kidding either ;)

I  have what feels like no friends. None. :/ I feel so unimportant its ridiculous. I have always considered myself a friendly person, and easy to get along with but lately I'm wondering if there is something wrong with me. Everyone seems to have more going on in their lives than wanting to spend time with me. (I know this part is me whining and  complaining, but i feel like there isn't more i can do.) Lately I feel like I'm in some sort of depression. I can't be happy around people or by myself. When people try to make plans with me I honestly can't see why they would want to be around me. I don't know what to do. :/

One think I do know for sure is that Briant is my glue right now. He is there through every complaint, paranoid moment and exciting experiences. I can't believe that the Lord has blessed me with someone so great. A lot of the times I don't understand what i did to deserve him, but I just have to decided to Thank Heavenly Father for him every day. If there is one person in this world that can make me forget the troubles in my life right now its him. He always knows what to say. He tells me its okay to cry and to feel pain. Something that I have always had a hard time with is crying and being weak in front of someone. Briant has helped me realize that this is okay. I love him :)

I try and thank Heavenly Father for the blessings in my life. I thank him for this trial, although I wonder if i will ever truly know the meaning or reason behind all of this. Something i do know is that God works in mysterious ways. He knows what he is doing and I completely trust him :)

"When it feels like life is to hard and the person I want to be feels just out of my reach. He whispers to me that I do not need to do it alone. He never wanted me to face anything on my own. Because in the strength of the Lord I can do all things He knows how to change the weakness in me. So I will let His love lift me up. He believes I can do hard things if I will trust him and walk forward in the strength of the Lord.

He promised me there would never be anything I can't overcome. His power is more than enough. I know that if He is standing with me I can conquer everything. He offered his life so He can be by my side everyday."